I need to stop coming to work sober
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
