So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
