Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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