I will die if light touches me.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
