apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
