I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
