how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you would pick up someone in the library
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
