I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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