I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
