Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
