All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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