i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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