You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
