quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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