I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
