he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
