What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
