All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Sext me about skeletons
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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