Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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