Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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