I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
it was like eating out sand paper
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
