I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
