Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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