THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
