I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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