Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
