You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
