News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dicks are not precious.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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