I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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