I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
