so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
