We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
