That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
