I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
