So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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