The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
