he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
