fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
