She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
