If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
