Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
