Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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