my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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