dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
