R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
