in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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