So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
