I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
