What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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