This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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