It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
