whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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