I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
