Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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