At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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